Feeling the ‘Bern’? There’s a cream for that.

         What a funky election process this has been so far, huh? 

Obviously there’s been all the relentlessly entertaining (and alarmingly terrifying) hoopla over at the Grand Ol’. But suggesting that childish, unsubstantiated hysterics, outspoken bigotry and overt racism are a surprise coming from the Republican Party, would simply mean you’ve never heard of them before. Yes, it’s always interesting to hear what those folks are yelling about from time to time, but basically: “Haters gunna’ hate.” (Once again, #TaylorSwift has already said everything I’m thinking.)

But what’s been more subtly fascinating is what we’ve got going on on the Left. The Democrats have been having their own polite scuffle over who they’d prefer to watch make funny faces across the stage from Trump in a few months. While Martin O’Malley is, without a doubt, a very handsome fellow, and seems like a delightful dinner guest, I’m going to pretend he doesn’t exist, just like everyone else. That leaves us with Hillary Clinton, a woman whom some of us are understandably a little tired of, and Bernie Sanders, a cranky old socialist Jew. While just a few years ago that would have been a perfect recipe for putting a republican in the White House, there does seem to have been a black guy sleeping there for a while. What has turned out to be a really fun, and generally friendly debate to have with other liberals is whether or not you’re “Feeling the Bern.” I mean, let’s be honest, we all felt it a little at first there, didn’t we? Who among us doesn’t want to wrestle that guy into a bear-hug while he squirms and barks curmudgeonly Yiddish clichés in protest? Plus, his feathers were all ruffled about banks and Wall Street and all that stuff those folks in tents at Union Square were pissed about a couple years ago. As a liberal Democrat, how could you not want to jump aboard the Bernie Bus? But perhaps it’s time to hop off.

In conversations I’ve had with Sanders supporters I hear a sense of enthusiasm and starry-eyed wonderment that many have referred to as being reminiscent of Obama supporters in 2008. While this sort of liberal fervor is certainly admirable and well-meaning, there is a lot about the political climate this time around, as well as the players involved, that is very different.

First, Barack Obama was (and continues to be) a black man. That fact, whether we’d like to admit it or not, was a tremendous factor in the legendary voter turnout he inspired in 2008. With good reason too. Considering the undeniable and unspeakable history of racism in our country, the idea that there was a likeable, smart, well respected black person in a position to actually become president, was unbelievably exciting to a lot of us. An entire group of American citizens, and potential voters, many of whom had never bothered to vote before because their only choices were white guys who didn’t care about them, finally had an option that mattered. There are even some white folks that had never once questioned whether or not #blacklivesmatter more than our privileged and protected white lives, because ours are not historically, perpetually and overwhelmingly more likely to be put in jeopardy. But I digress… Which is actually my point: Is there something about Bernie Sanders that has that sort of emotional appeal to a significant enough group of previously unrepresented voters?

Another reason things are different now than they were in 2008 is the wild success of ideological and anti-establishment conservatives. The unprecedented amount of support for Republican presidential candidates like Donald Trump, Ben Carson and Ted Cruz changes the tone of this election drastically. The fact that so many conservatives have flocked so far to the right that this sort of candidate can enjoy the kind of support they have, has alienated a large part of the more centrist members of the Republican Party. If one of these candidates succeeds in becoming the Republican nominee, (which is seeming inevitable at this point,) that leaves a very decent portion of conservatives who would feel so uncomfortable giving any of them their vote, that they might either not vote at all, or even deign to cross party lines. So how could Democrats convince swing voters and this new group of freshly embarrassed, left-leaning conservatives to step up to bat for a Democrat? By using the kind of angry, galvanizing rhetoric that is arguably reminiscent of the candidates that turned them away from the Republicans in the first place? By identifying as socialist? I’ve got a very strong feeling that that word is the reason a lot of these folks usually identify as Republican. If a group of centrist republicans gets scared away by social conservatives, that probably means they’re fiscal conservatives who hate nothing more than socialism. As far as I can see, this sort of voter would be utterly turned off by a Sanders nomination.

‘But Bernie is so great! I support what he stands for.’ Yes, absolutely. His grumpy, un-wavering disgust with big businesses taking advantage of the majority of us ‘hard-working’ middle and working class Americans is, without a doubt, the right attitude. Break up the big banks, look out for the little guy, stick it to the man, basically, that one, admittedly important issue. Yes I agree, it’s a good issue. And it’s wonderful that he has been bringing it to the forefront of political discourse. But aside from the fact that it really does seem to be the ONLY issue he has strong feelings about, what is it that he’s actually suggesting? Does he actually plan to break down Wall Street, our entire capitalist economic system and start from the ground up with a completely socialist approach? Maybe he has a less dramatic approach in mind, but considering his consistent brand of vehemently grumpy stubbornness, it certainly seems like the sort of thing he’d be into. But is that something that Americans or the world economy actually wants? American capitalism, while clearly far from perfect, effects the world’s economy and many countries rely on it to stimulate their own. And honestly, does anyone believe something so drastic is going to fly with Congress? Those incredibly wealthy people who control so much of what happens in politics are influential for a reason: they’re rich and powerful and they’re not about to just disappear because we want them to. Hopefully, there are other ways to chip away at just how much power they have.

But how is he as a politician? (Which, by the way, is not a negative thing to call someone, it’s a profession, and it’s the way government happens.) Well, apparently, it turns out he’s actually kind of a prick as far as negotiating and leadership. In the article entitled “The trouble with Bernie,” Mickey Hirten cites a laundry-list of examples that make Bernie Sanders out to be an incredibly difficult person to work with. My personal favorite (if for no other reason than it made me giggle,) was a conversation the author had with Sanders, ending with: “…At which point he jumped out of his seat, told me to go f***myself and stormed out…” As fun as it sounds to watch our old Jewish president do something like that to, say, Putin, or even Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, it’s not a very presidential, or effective way to go about participating in politics. Plus, it comes across as a bit Trump-y, doesn’t it?

The argument in support of Bernie Sanders that I find least convincing of all is when people say that they ‘just don’t trust Hillary.’ If there’s anything we can be sure of in this topsy-turvy, wild ride of an election process it’s that Hillary Clinton really, really wants to be President, and she will do, and has done everything she can, for decades, to prove to us that she should be. Whether it’s because you give a crap about her emails, or you don’t think a woman should be President, or because she’s too much of a Washington insider, or that she pees for too long, or you’re tired of hearing about her, or you just don’t like her face, you also know that she has no intention of leaving American politics alone until she’s the President or dead. If nothing else, you have to give her credit for persistence and will-power. Also, because she’s been around the inner workings of our political system for so long, she’s probably picked up a thing or two along the way. At this moment in American history, there’s nothing more important than preventing the smug reality television star, former ‘WWE’ participant, and confusingly racist billionaire, Donald Trump, from becoming President. Anyone who isn’t horrible enough to think that would be a good idea, needs to band together to get him away from politics. Let’s say Trump is a fire, how do we fight fire? That’s right, a damp cloth. And where are you going to find a wet blanket more suited to the job  (pants-suited, perhaps?) than Hillary.